Dessert group think

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Yesterday, my office had our Thanksgiving celebration; a potluck, of course. I brought the veggie and fruit trays, which, to the surprise of no one, went basically untouched next to homemade biscuits and mac and cheese.

I was able to stick to my 24 Day Challenge plan pretty well, filling my plate with turkey, ham, veggies, and a taste of sweet potato casserole. I even turned down the wine. Needless to say, I was feeling pretty solid about my willpower muscle, when one of my coworkers turns to me and goes “I think I want dessert.”

I actually didn’t want dessert. One, because I’m solidly committed to completing this challenge with as few cheats as possible and two, because I was pretty full and honestly had no room for pie.

So, I respond with “The dessert table looked pretty great!” And she immediately counters, asking if I’m going to have any. When I shared that I was going to pass, she looked disappointed and agreed that she probably wouldn’t have any either.

Obviously, I made that trip to the dessert table with her, and indulged in a half of a pumpkin truffle, while she filled her plate with the goodies she wanted.

Women of America, we need to have a conversation about Dessert Group Think.

Why is it that women are incapable of making their own decisions about dessert? Or fried food, for that matter? Why does it seem to be impossible to form our own dessert opinions?

I think a lot of us attach intense emotions, like guilt, to food. And so, we feel less guilty if other people are eating the “bad” foods because more people choosing to indulge automatically makes it okay.

Let’s think about that for a second: the same emotion that is attached to a car accident or missing a friend’s birthday is associated on a daily basis with eating – something you have to do every day. It’s unhealthy, and it’s got to stop.

If we learned to listen to our bodies – rather than obsessing over calories or what other people might think – we’d probably live healthier lives. We’d order what we actually wanted to order and recognize when our body needs vegetables instead of chocolate. Instead, we’re constantly obsessed over that food we can’t have, and we despise broccoli because it’s not a cupcake. And, news flash: broccoli is never going to be a cupcake.

Ya'll. The only person’s hunger/desire you get access to is your own. If you want the piece of pie (or the entire pie), eat it.

Even if you’re the only person at the table who is getting dessert. 

On food guilt

We've all seen ads like this one:

As someone who has dealt with binge eating before, I know what it feels like to feel guilty after eating certain foods. Granted, it's probably a little bit different when you've just eaten half a pizza or a large bag of M&M's in one sitting (throwback to senior year of college), but I think at one point or another, all of us have experienced guilt after eating something we "shouldn't have."

Diets can do that to you because they create a mindset of deprivation. Your list isn't of what you can eat, it's of what you can't eat. Carbs. Bread. Candy. Fried food. Pizza. When you're operating under the dieting mindset, it's totally normal that you're going to experience guilt when you "lose your willpower" or "cheat."

But, you guys, can we stop it? Please? Because the reality is, you make a lot of food choices every day: what time will you eat breakfast, what will you eat for breakfast, how much will you eat? Do you want to add condiments to your sandwich or sugar to your coffee? Making those choices, which you're pretty much going to have to make every day, shouldn't be stressing you out more than the real decisions you have to make in regards to your family, your job, or your friends.

You know what feeling guilty does to you? It makes you stressed out. It makes you emotional. And, if you're like 22-year-old-Jen-who-secretly-binge-ate, it probably makes you continue to make "bad" food choices.

The fact of the matter is, if you're making healthy choices 80% of the time, the other 20% isn't going to impact you. And, you're going to be motivated by how making healthier choices makes you feel. By adding more nourishing foods to your life, you're going to find yourself not craving the not so nourishing foods a whole lot less.

Diets don't work. They don't work because you cannot constantly live in a deprivation mindset. It's negative, it's counterproductive, and, gosh darnit, it's going to drive you crazy. Instead, take some advice from one of my favorite food documentaries, Hungry for Change, and focus on what you can add. More greens? More bananas? A smoothie full of fruits and veggies in the morning? Each of those things is going to make you feel great, and may even curb some of your cravings.

But if you want cookies or ice cream or pizza, eat it, and don't feel guilty about it. You're not "cheating" on a diet, you're making one of a hundred food choices you're going to make in a week as part of your healthy lifestyle. That's it.

GMU Positive Body Image Seminar

This is what I felt like on Thursday night, around 11pm:

On Tuesday, I had the awesome opportunity to be the featured speaker at a Positive Body Image Seminar, hosted by George Mason University's Panhellenic. I had reached out to the Executive Board, and specifically Emily, their Vice President of Programming earlier this year, and Emily put together this awesome event. I spoke and others set up booths for women to visit. Nearly 500 women attended, and we had an hour and a half long conversation about positive (and negative) body image, disordered eating, and dieting.

I was inspired by the courage of women who shared their own stories, and I found strength in the reception I got from sharing my story. The questions at the end were thoughtful, and I loved how engaged everyone was using Twitter -- I opened up my Twitter to questions and comments throughout the event because, let's face it, if people are on their smart phones for any other reason but to tweet at me, I'm not doing my job.

A few people approached me at the end of the night with some feedback, and I thought it was really outstanding, so I don't want to wait until the next time I speak to share a few more pieces of information:

•  First, I was approached by Corey, who asked me to focus more on eating healthier in order to be happier. She's so right, and I can't believe I failed to make this statement during my presentation. Exercising and choosing to eat healthy foods -- to eat more fruits and vegetables, add in more lean protein and whole grains, even to enjoy the occasional cookie -- makes you a happier person. You're happier because you feel better when you treat your body right. I talk a lot about how dieting makes you unhappy because it's a constant mindset of deprivation, but I failed to mention that "anti-dieting" -- that is, adopting a healthy food philosophy rather than a list of things you can't eat -- will make you both happier and healthier.
• Next, one of the campus nutritionists spoke to me, and asked that I add in more information about the mental implications of eating disorders. If you are or someone you know is suffering from an eating disorder, please seek professional help. Eating disorders are the most fatal mental illnesses, with some studies reporting that nearly 30% result in death. If nothing else, please point them in the direction of nationaleatingdisorders.org, which has a live anonymous helpline.
• Lastly, I spoke with Kathleen, who works with the "Perfect Body Project." They are working to organize "No Makeup Monday," which I'll post more about this weekend. You should participate, though, by wearing -- you guessed it -- no makeup on Monday. Take a picture of yourself and post it to Instagram or Twitter using the hashtag #nomakeupmonday.

Again, a huge thank you to GMU Panhellenic for a very inspiring night, as well as your extremely generous donation to Children's Miracle Network. It was an honor to speak with all of you, and I know CMN will be so appreciative :)

If you are interested in having me speak at an event, please email me at jengilbert11@gmail.com.

NEDA Awareness Week: I am a statistic

This week is NEDA's (the National Eating Disorder Association) Eating Disorders Awareness Week. The theme this year is "Everybody Knows Somebody." The goal is to spread awareness about eating disorders and body image issues -- to provide accurate information, and to educate about the realities of eating disorders.

You all probably know that my platform for Miss Virginia centers around disordered eating. Disordered eating, which is not a diagnosed eating disorder, boils down to an unhealthy relationship with food. It is categorized by behaviors and thoughts about food and eating that are abnormal.

Behaviors like: taking diet pills, eschewing entire food groups from your diet, exercising solely to burn calories, occasional binge eating.

I have a history with each of those behaviors. During my sophomore year of college, when my friends tried to intervene, I was taking diet pills, cutting out all carbs from my diet, and exercising obsessively. I mean, I literally would not eat potatoes (note: potatoes are now one of my favorite foods). Senior year, I would restrict myself from eating "bad foods" during the day only to binge eat an entire pizza alone at night.

I was - and probably still am - a disordered eater.

I am passionate about talking about disordered eating not only because for almost ten years of my life, my thoughts and actions were consumed by food, but also because I know that I am not alone. I competed for Miss Greater Springfield because the Miss America Organization gives me a platform to be able to share my story. Ultimately, I want to help other women understand that they're not alone, and that food can be an enjoyable (and awesome.) part of their life.

Some studies estimate that as many as 75% of women in America have suffered from disordered eating. I guess that makes me a statistic. It also makes me frustrated and sad, because when it's that widespread, the abnormal becomes the normal. Instead of enjoying food for what it should be -- culture, heritage, celebration -- food becomes all-consuming, unenjoyable, and something that really controls your everyday life.

For some reason, I was afraid to share my story or talk to other people about my issues with food because I didn't want to be judged or perceived as weak or crazy. The reality is, if three quarters of the population has dealt with or is dealing with disordered eating, none of us are weak or crazy, we just need to work together to get ourselves back to a point where food is fun again.

Over the last two years, I have learned what causes me to obsessive over food, and I avoid it. I avoid exercising on cardio machines as much as possible because I revert to focusing on the numbers instead of how exercising makes me feel. I don't count calories or diet because, for me, it leads to what I'm eating consuming my every thought.

Instead, I pick activities I love - Bikram yoga, boxing, running outside - and try to eat clean. I remind myself that no food is "bad" or "off limits," and talk to friends and family members.

So here I am, and I am a statistic. But I am also somebody who has developed confidence and character through figuring out how to beat that voice in my head that tells me to diet. Instead of making me weak, beating my disordered eating has made me strong -- the fact of the matter is, we all get dealt things in our lives to deal with, and mine just happens to be my relationship with food.

If you suspect your friend is a disordered eater, please talk to her or him about it. Disordered eating can evolve into something more serious, and if nothing else, it is most certainly preventing your loved one from living the happiest life they can.