New chapter, same story

Just over two months ago, I packed up my life and moved to Charleston, South Carolina.

It was one of those things that happened quickly -- I hit a streak of luck when it came to job searching, and within two weeks, I had applied for, interviewed for, and accepted a new job in a new city. The same day, I had signed a lease on an apartment.

I think it was just the kind of adventure and life change I needed. A new city, a new job, and a chance to push myself outside of my comfort zone.

In a way, I sort of feel like a freshman in college again. I'm just getting settled, but I really feel like I'm learning new things about myself. Just like freshman year, I moved out of my parent's house and into a place of my own. Although this one has faux granite countertops, a big upgrade from the locker-closet of my Russell dorm room.

So here I am, blogging again. I thought about deleting some of my old blog posts, but realized that this blog has chronicled all of my post-college life: the places I've been, things I've felt, and challenges I've kicked in the butt. My new adventures in Chucktown fit perfectly -- a new chapter in the same story.

I no longer believe in Miss America

In May of 2012, I was completing my year as a Collegiate Development Consultant for Delta Gamma of Fraternity. That year was the most challenging and fulfilling year of my life because it allowed me to work with and learn from women throughout the country, as a representative of a values-based organization.

Later that year, in September, I entered (and won) the Miss Greater Springfield pageant, a preliminary to Miss America. I competed in that pageant because I saw Miss Virginia as an opportunity to work with and learn from women throughout the state of Virginia. I believed that being Miss America could mirror my experience as a Collegiate Development Consultant, by allowing me to represent another values-based organization that empowers college-aged women.

Needless to say, I am now in a unique position in understanding and processing the Miss America hazing situation (I’m not going to say scandal because she’s admitted to it).

Miss America has admitted to hazing (which is, oh by the way, a crime in the state of New York). She has now somewhat famously told us that what she did “maybe fit into the broad definition of hazing,” but implied that it wasn’t really that bad.

Sure, as a general rule, female hazing doesn’t look a whole lot like male hazing. Women tend to verbally and emotionally abuse one another, whereas male hazing is typically more physical. But honestly, is either one better or worse than the other?

This is what the Miss America Organization has failed to understand: all hazing is bad. All hazing is illegal. All hazing requires the forced subordination of one group by another group or individual.

That sure doesn’t sound like women’s empowerment to me.

How can an organization that claims to empower young women continue to blindly support a brand ambassador who has admitted to hazing other young women? Hazing is by definition the very opposite of empowering; hazing involves forced subordination of others.

I understand and believe that hazing was very much a part of the campus culture at Hofstra. But the problem with Kira’s insinuation that she made a mistake is that she has yet to show any sort of remorse or even acknowledgement that what she did, while “not real hazing,” was wrong. That people may have been hurt by her actions. That, at the very least, her chapter expelled her because what she did was not in line with the values of their organization. In order to admit you have made a mistake, you have to understand why it was a mistake. And Kira has yet to identify why what she did was wrong and what, ultimately, she learned from it.

The other thing that Miss America fails to recognize is that Kira not only represents the organization, she represents each and every one of us who competes or has competed at the local, state, and national level. Her actions, past and present, and the National organization’s inaction in dealing with this situation reflects not only on them, but on every single one of us, too.

I competed in Miss America because I believed in the mission of the organization. I believed that Miss America empowered young women by giving them the opportunity to serve within their communities, advocate for causes close to their heart, and helping them to finance their college educations. I believed that Miss America was one of the best organizations for women to grow – right up there with Greek Life. I believed this because it was true; I had seen it in my own life, and I had seen it in the incredible caliber of women that surrounded me when I competed at Miss Virginia.

I no longer believe in Miss America. 

What is normal?

Why can't both of these women be "normal?"

Since the Miss USA pageant this past Sunday, the majority of the commentary surrounding the pageant has involved Miss Indiana, Mekayla Diehl and her “normal” swimsuit body. Feedback has ranged from praise that Diehl’s body is realistic for a “real woman” (at the expense of criticizing the more thin contestants) to outraged pageant girls who feel that it is ridiculous that a woman who “didn’t train like she was competing for Miss USA” beat out other women who "trained harder."

Needless to say, I have several opinions. And criticisms. But they all boil down to one thing:

Why are we so obsessed with criticizing other women’s bodies?

First of all, none of us knows how Mekayla (or any of the other contestants) prepared for Miss USA. We don’t know what she ate, how often she worked out, if she took diet pills, or what her relationship with food/exercise looks like. We don’t know her unique genetic make up, her body fat percentage, or her hormonal composition.

We have no idea what “normal” looks like for Mekayla’s or for any of the other contestants’ unique biological make up and body type.

And while we’re at it, what the heck does normal even mean? Why are we so obsessed with finding the perfect comparison? And why does identifying one woman as “normal” equate to then putting down every other woman in the competition?

I watched the Miss USA pageant on Sunday (duh), and I was impressed at how many of the top 20 looked healthy. They looked toned, they looked happy, and they looked proud of what they had accomplished.

Each of us has a unique body type, unique nutritional needs, and a unique relationship with food and exercise. What is normal for one woman is not normal for another.

Which is why it is so ridiculous, and equally wrong, that other women are criticizing Diehl for being “not fit enough” for the Miss USA competition.

Swimsuit at Miss USA accounts for 33% of the score. Maybe Mekayla could have been leaner, or maybe she was as lean as she could get. Regardless, if a contestant decides that she does not want to (or cannot) follow the sure-fire no-carb, high cardio approach to get that last bit of fat off of her body to score higher in a category that accounts for one-third of her score, it’s her prerogative. It’s not our place to criticize her.

If Miss USA was chosen solely based on her fitness level or body fat percentage, we wouldn’t need a pageant. We’d just need measuring tape, a scale, and a notepad.

Why aren’t we capable of celebrating the unique, powerful, and special individuals that exist regardless of their weight, BMI, or body fat percentage? Our inability to do this reinforces to the younger generation that their worth is based on their outside packaging, rather than what is on the inside.

The issue is not “what is normal?” but rather, “why do we need to define normal at the expense of ‘abnormal?’”

It’s time to change that conversation.

On #Huddle14, happiness, and that moment of "wow."

There I was in the middle of the dance floor at Senor Frogs. Surrounded by new friends who had spent the last two days inspiring me, smiling in a moment of reflection and realization, with some overplayed pop song (that I can't remember, but can guarantee I totally love) in the background.

This past weekend, I had the incredible opportunity to attend CAMPUSPEAK Huddle in Orlando, Florida. Some of you may know that I've joined the CAMPUSPEAK family as an Interactive Workshops facilitator. This past weekend was an opportunity to be trained on the workshops I will be facilitating, attend breakout sessions, and interact with other CAMPUSPEAK facilitators and speakers.

So anyways, we were at Senor Frogs, enjoying each other's company, and I just had this moment of "wow."

One year ago, I worked for a company that I believed in, but in a role that bored me. I wasn't challenged, and I wasn't growing, and I had absolutely no idea how I was going to get out. My passion had drained, I stopped working out as much, and I'd come home and binge watch old TV series on Netflix (not a terrible idea, just not a super great every night activity). There I was, making enough money to live comfortably and do the things I loved, and I wasn't doing them. I was existing, not thriving, and I was unhappy.

If you had asked June 2013 Jen where she would be in exactly one year, the answer would not have been "Surrounded by some of the most inspiring people I have ever met, pursuing my passion, and impacting lives." No way. 

And yet, here I am. It is June 2014, and I am happy. Genuinely, authentically, happy. 

What I have learned in the last year is that we have complete control over our own lives. Sure, we don't necessarily have control over what happens to us, but we always have control over how we choose to react. We control how we view our situation. And we control whether or not we remain complacent or if we do something about it.

So there I was in Orlando, surrounded by people who inspire me and people who have been my mentors since I was an undergraduate, and it hit me. My life right now is remarkably different from my life one year ago, and in ways I never could have imagined. Somehow, through a year of choices - some super significant, and some not as much - I have ended up here. My choices determine my life -- I am in complete control of designing it to be exactly how I want it to be. And how freaking cool is that?

You vs. You

Life is good, ya'll.

So good, that I have neglected this blog for (if we're being honest), about seven months. I've been busy with work, traveling all over the Southeast and Southwest, and I've been doing well! I'm back in the industry I want to be in, and I'm in a role that is both challenging and fulfilling. I've also been lucky to have just a few incredible people fall into my life.

But, if I'm being honest, I've gotten a little out of shape. Not fat, not completely out of shape, just soft. Slower. Not at my peak.

I'm coming back. Back to weightlifting, running, Bikram yoga, intermittent fasting, and blogging. I'd like to be an athlete again. And this time, I want to be better than I was before. 

So, you've heard it here first: I will be competing in Miss Virginia Beach USA on July 19th, and I will be competing in Miss Virginia USA in late November. I am going to beat myself at my peak - Summer 2012; me vs. me.

In the spirit of transparency, I'll be posting about my running, workouts, and nutrition here. And on Instagram, because, let's face it: I love Instagram. I'll also be sharing some of the books I'm reading, the goals I'm setting, and things that I'm learning (that you may also be interested in!).

Thanks for reading and for the continuous support. You all rock.

People are judgy

People are judgy.

They're judgy about other people's clothes, their opinions, their jobs, and their diets.

I don't know if you've noticed, but people are the most judgy about what other people eat.

As a former diet-a-holic, I get it. It's human nature to get yourself psyched up about your new eating plan. I mean, the process lends itself to it -- you decide you want to lose weight/get fit/look like a supermodel, you do your research (or watch commercials), and you pick your diet of choice.

Then, once you've picked, it's time to throw yourself in 110%. You read the books, you buy the food, you toss out everything with sugar or calories or carbs from your fridge. And then, you feel want to share the new plan that you've found with everyone you know.

I love when people get excited about making healthy changes to their lives. Letting other people in can be inspirational to them and serve as accountability for you -- if everyone knows you're working to improve your health or fitness, they'll be able to share in your excitement, which will help you stick to your plan. Plus, it's always awesome to share articles, research, and results. Teaching others and sharing articles of substance isn't something we do often enough.

But what about when all-or-nothing approach leads us to cast judgement on the eating choices of others? Whether it's on social media, in a friend group, behind the backs of strangers, or just in our own heads, why do we so often cross that line between teaching and judgement?

You know, the "she's not actually eating Paleo because she eats Greek yogurt," or "how can you call yourself a vegetarian when you eat fish."

I'm going to drop some truth here: There is not one "correct" diet. 

There are expert opinions both for and against nearly every existing diet plan or diet choice. You could literally justify nearly every nutrition plan you could create with research from "the experts." And, just because you've been highly successful eating Paleo or following Weight Watchers or cutting out all meat does not mean everyone else will be too.

Each of us has unique nutritional needs and unique experiences that shape our ability to respond positively to any sort of diet change.

Since it's National Nutrition Month, I'm going to challenge you to focus on your own nutrition and discover your perfect diet (as in, what you eat on a daily basis). Be open-minded, and try out an eating style you've never tried before. Learn from others. Test different eating plans, listen to your body, and figure out what makes you function at the highest possible level for your needs.

And take off your judgy pants when it comes to what other people eat -- unless they are living on Oreos and Reeses. I'd challenge them to find expert research on that one.

It's National Nutrition Month, so it seems as good a time as any to kick off a series about food: what we eat, how we eat it, why we diet, and what's really the best food for you. This post is the first in this series.

Real Talk: The top five things to keep in mind during the VS Fashion Show tonight

From a quick glimpse at my social media, it seems that the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show is going to be a pretty popular event, mostly with my girl friends. My Twitter and Facebook feeds are full of girls making jokes about the burgers they're eating now or the cleanses they're going to start tomorrow, which I find to be an interesting commentary on what we view as acceptable and valuable within our culture. I digress.

My newsfeed is also chock-full of inspiration in the form of lists, so I figured I'd publish my top five things for women to keep in mind while watching tonight's Victoria's Secret Fashion Show:

1. You will never look like any of the models on TV tonight. And you know what? They're never going to look like you either. Those thigh gaps, long legs, or the 5'11'' height that you're envying came to them 70% in the form of genetics. But so did your awesome smile, crazy cool eye color, and great arms. Nobody is perfect, but each of us is unique and special and one-in-a-million just the way we are. 
2. Weight is nothing but your relationship with gravity. The scale says nothing about your experiences as a person, the incredible things you do for the people in your life, and, in all actuality, very little about your health as a whole. 
3. Going crazy with cardio and/or starving yourself is not a solution. I can't tell you the number of tweets/statuses (statii)/Instagram pictures I remember seeing last year from women vowing to cut carbs or workout for hours on end after watching the fashion show. In case you missed point #1, no amount of cardio or fasting is going to turn you into into Gisele, but it's probably also going to make you miserable and frustrated. Beauty and health are byproducts of loving yourself and treating yourself well. Find an activity you enjoy and go do it because it makes you feel alive. Eat well because eating well impacts every other area of your health and well-being -- and because it allows you to do that activity that makes you feel alive. When we're pursuing physical activity or healthy eating solely for aesthetic results, we're missing out, because true health and well-being impact every aspect of your life, and make you a better person in the process.
4. Remember your inner eight year old (and every other eight year old you know). One of my favorite internet lists I've ever read talks about how "little eyes are always watching." Think about your standard of beauty now, and really question whether or not the Angel Standard is the one you would want an eight-year-old held to - or if you would even want her to place a significant value on her physical appearance at all. Besides, your inner eight-year-old thinks ogling women in underwear is super gross.
5. If you're genuinely inspired to change your lifestyle, don't talk about it, be about it. If you are truly inspired to go work out or eat healthier, start adding positive changes to your life that are going to stick. Make a commitment to eat more vegetables, drink more water, or go for a run several times a week. But don't just put empty commitments or pity-parties into the social media sphere - go do them. Because watching a bunch of women model lingerie isn't going to do much for your confidence, but starting to make positive changes definitely will. Otherwise, your negative comments about your weight or "never looking like these women" are doing nothing but negatively impacting every other female follower on your newsfeed.